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Mike's Blog

To boldly blog what no man has blogged before. Enjoy at your own risk!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

If it stands still we'll fry it!

I finally went to the State Fair last weekend. It was Sunday afternoon and as an afterthought my parents called to tell me that they were driving by my building on the way to the fair. So after I got off work Ally and I scrambled around and met them out there. After driving a complete circle around fair park looking for a lot that wasn't "full", we ended up parking across the street in a muddy field for $7 bucks. As we waited for generic-married-couple-with-huge-stroller-and-way-too-many-baby-accessories to load up their car and pull out of our parking space we heard an interesting story from the parking attendant/owner of field about how the fair helps them put their kids through college. So I was happy to know my parking fee was funding the education of inner-city youngsters...or a Fendi purse (hey, she could have been lying).

The weather wasn't the best and it drizzled on us for a good part of the day, but I think that helped to keep the crowd down. We met my family right in front of Big Tex and that's when I whipped out the digital to take a picture and realized MY BATTERY WAS DEAD! DOH! Yes, I'm retarded. The best part about it was...it was so dead it wouldn't even close the zoom lens and therefore would not fit back in my camera case! This was a great lesson in charging the camera before important events.

The first thing my family wanted to do after Ally and I arrived was go to the Food Court. Considering Ally and I had just eaten before we came, (yes, i know, dumb of us) food was really the last thing on our list of things to do. We enter this huge building full of food vendors and the smell was completely overwhelming. Glancing around the open space you could see tons of different food choices with one thing in common...FRIED! Yes that's right, here at our state fair if it stands still we will fry it. And if it runs well shoot it, cut it up into small pieces and fry it! There were fried mushrooms, fried oreos, fried alligator, fried corn, fried ice cream, fried nutter butters (huge disappointment btw), fried rattlesnake, fried green tomatoes, fried onion rings, fried pickles, fried cheesecake, fried marshmallows, fried S'Mores Candy Bars, fried Snickers, fried twinkies, fried spicy olive bites, and even...brace yourselves...fried french fries (I know, I couldn't believe it either). You could walk by one of these booths and feel your arteries harden. My weapon of choice was the monkey tail. Now I know what you are thinking so get your mind out of the gutter. The process of making a monkey tail is this...first they peel a banana, then put it on a stick and freeze it. When you order one they will take out the frozen banana and dip it in chocolate. Nuts are optional, but a definite must to complete this tasty, chocolate phallicy.

The "Food and Grains" building was exciting as always. I learned about butter (sadly no butter statues), vegetables, Nolan Ryan meat products, trees, pots and pans, and waaaay more than I ever needed to know about Elsie the cow. The flying cat show was next. This guy was able to train cats to do some pretty amazing things with flaming hoops, balance beams, and some catnip. Maybe Fonty has a future in State Fair entertainment with his talented feline. We walked the midway and paid our two tickets to see a two-headed albino rat snake. I didn't get the full State Fair of Texas feeling until I sat on the tailgate of a demo pickup parked in the picnic area with a Corny Dog in one hand and a Shiner Bock in the other. We watched the laser light show at 8PM then checked out the car building and lusted over the Infiniti and Mercedes models (the cars too).

Ally and I were bound and determined to ride the Texas Star ferris wheel so after my family bailed we made a b-line over to the monstrosity. We counted our remaining tickets and realized we had exactly enough tickets left to ride. Our first ride on the Texas Star was a romantic 10 minutes of listening to a Argentinean guy talk to his friend, who was dressed like a pirate(?), about how this was the largest ferris wheel in the Western hemisphere. The pirate then turned and made out with his ugly girlfriend (wench?). It really wasn't that bad once we tuned them out though. The view was awesome at night. It was a great experience to share with Ally.

By that time is was 10 and we were ready to go home. But not before stopping for another monkey tail(which I got for free since she had dropped that one on the ground...kidding, maybe) and a chocolate nut bar for Ally. Some notable things we missed were the bird show, the world's smallest horse (much to Ally's dismay), the petting zoo (no goats were freed), and the main car building. Other than that, I think we effectively canvassed the area and got our 12 bucks worth. See ya next year State Fair of Texas!


  • Wed Oct 13, 10:32:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Ally sat naked at the computer and typed…

    I'm still disappointed that we didn't get to see the world's smallest horse and the butter statue...I mean why do you think I agreed to tag along?? Ah...the ferris wheel with strangers - what a funny experience that was!

  • Thu Oct 14, 02:26:00 AM CDT
    Blogger Texas Gurl sat naked at the computer and typed…

    yay, alison is online too. now she just needs to create her own blog so we know what actually happens on you guys' excursions.
    haven't been to the fair since i was little. but all that fried food and tiny horse talk may just lure me there this year.
    proud of you for knowing what a fendi is. and diesels. and the sconces...

  • Thu Oct 14, 07:45:00 AM CDT
    Blogger Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…

    Well there is always this weekend Ally. We could go back and scour the fair grounds for the elusive butter statue and tiny pony. I guess my great company wasn't enough huh?

    It is good to have Ally on here finally. And are you trying to imply that I would somehow distort or report untruths about our excursions Texas Gurl?! I take offense. I report only the facts(as I interpret them) here. :)

    Thanks for the props on Fendi, diesels, and sconces...
    I'm with it, I'm hip, tuka-tuka-tuka...

  • Thu Oct 14, 12:17:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Rae sat naked at the computer and typed…

    Aw God, the County Fair. That is so my territory, you have no idea. I think you've inspired my next blog, actually.

    BTW, I bought one of those Monkey Tails in Jerome once, but it was way too phallic and I kept getting weird looks (or maybe I just imagined them), so I had to throw it away. I applaud the security you apparently have in your masculinity. :)


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