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Mike's Blog

To boldly blog what no man has blogged before. Enjoy at your own risk!!

Sunday, January 23, 2005

After The Wedding

My little brother tied the knot last night. The ceremony was great and everything (for the most part) went off without a hitch (well except for them getting hitched. Sorry I couldn't resist). But everyone knows what the best part of the wedding is...and what it's NOT! It is not 1) getting yelled at for trying to be at the church on time, 2) seeing your mom in extreme panic mode digging through the trash looking for a flower girl halo or 3) having people sitting in your living room when you get up the morning of the wedding after being out till 3AM looking at you as if you are supposed to entertain them. The best part is the PARTY afterwards! My party machine was running on pure alcohol and lemme tell ya the tank was full. By the end of the night the bartender would see me coming from across the room and have my Sapphire and Seven waiting...and talk about long pours. Yowza!

We started drinking almost as soon as we got to the chapel yesterday. Now I am sure you are thinking, "Liquor? In the chapel?. But this place wasn't exactly a church. It was more like a super fancy wedding chapel with a large party room and bar. So it was safe for whoever was interested in taking the edge off with an adult beverage before the ceremony. And boy did we take the edge off. Actually I don't even remember the edge or when it was actually off. I am very thankful for the large glass of water I drank before we started drinking at about 3:30pm. Without it, I might have been face down on the stage during the vows. That would have upset a few people I think.

I hung that 3rd sheet with the first drink of the reception. I remember sitting at the head table and thinking, "I don't remember reading in the brochure that the room spins slowly." I accidently splashed a little on the head table and it ate right through and was halfway through the carpet below when I threw my napkin over it! And forget about dancing anywhere near the candles that were burning! Poof! "Hey, you remember when Mike combusted a his little bro's wedding? That. Was. AWESOME! Man I really miss that guy."

As usual everyone was slow to get out on the dance floor, but as soon as the liquid courage kicked in everyone was shaking their groove thang. I am really hoping that the photographer didn't get any shots of me 1)doing the chicken dance, 2)"riding the bronco" or 3)rapping to Ice Ice Baby. There was also a special request by Kev for my ever popular and truly timeless version of "Elvira" from The Oak Ridge Boys. "Giddyuppa ummboppa ummboppa moww moww." I reluctantly obliged as the bride drug me onto the dance floor. After much booty shakin by all we sent the newlyweds off in style with a barrage of bubbles on the way to the limo and they rode off into the darkness to get bizzay! HA!

I'll conclude with a few things I've learned/realized/whatever about weddings:
1) People furrreak out for no reason at the drop of a hat.
2) You will get yelled at regardless.
3) Don't look at your mom during the ceremony if you don't want to get emotional.
4) Ally has this wedding thing down to a science...and she makes a hot bridesmaid!
5) Tuxes don't breathe well.
6) I missed seeing my "lil sis" and regret not keeping in better touch.
7) Having to work the day after sucks!
8) Waiting for the ceremony to start can be nerve-racking, even when it's not you walking the plank.


  • Sun Jan 23, 09:56:00 AM CST
    Blogger Alisa sat naked at the computer and typed…

    Mr. Mike, this could be your funniest entry yet. Congrats to your little brother, but omg, I am DYIN ovah here! I do love a good wedding - especially when members of the wedding party get tanked. But "riding the bronco"? Oof, you had better hope there is no photo evidence of that. But just in case, don't run for office.

  • Sun Jan 23, 11:04:00 AM CST
    Blogger Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…

    I'm afraid photographic evidence already exists that would make it very hard for me to be elected. Well, unless it was president of Beer Bongs Incorporated or the National Keg Stand Consortium.

    But I guarantee you, there will be pictures from the wedding that I will HAVE TO post here! Some of which include me, my cousin, a piano and a whole lotta soul.


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