Things I Learned on a Saturday Morning
Things I Learned on a Saturday Morning...
1. When you wake up at 8am and you don't have to be up. GO BACK TO BED AFTER PEEING!
2. Do not take a shower before you have made plans for the day. Inevitably you will get sucked into laundry and cleaning your place and get funky again.
3. Fried Fair Food (or as I like to call it "The Triple F") will cure a chronic upset tum-tum.
4. Do not ignore your dog acting batshit crazy after feeding her several tortillas the night before. If you have the mistake of doing this, they will explode in a flurry of 1s and 2s all over your domicile.
5. No amount of Febreeze Air Effects Meadows & Rain will overpower the smell of dog 1s and 2s.
6. There is no good or easy way to clean up ankle deep dog pee. Paper towels have to picked up after being completely saturated and the "deep ridges" of Swiffer Dry Pads are not deep enough.
7. Zen focus and mind-over-matter are not effective in stopping the gag reflex while picking up no-so-solid dog numero dos.
8. Dogs forget a "NO NO, BAD DOG!" spanking in approximately 7 minutes or when a food wrapper is opened. Which ever comes first.
9. Swiffer Wet pads create dust balls in the corners that have to be manually picked up.
10. Rubber backed bath mats can launch your washing machine into orbit during the spin cycle. It may be necessary to rebalance the load at this point.
11. While holding the lid button down watching the load spin you run the risk of losing your finger if the washer begins to spin violently.
12. It is ALWAYS a bad idea to stabilize the center agregating pole of a washing machine with your hands during the spin cycle while manually holding down the lid button.
13. Washing machines spin FAST!
14. A sure fire way to see all the neighbors you've never seen in the 5 months you've lived in your complex is to take out your trash sweaty while wearing flip flops and gym shorts.
15. When you think of something for your grocery list, WRITE IT DOWN THEN, because when you sit down to make your list all you remember is milk.
16. Paying rent sucks.
1. When you wake up at 8am and you don't have to be up. GO BACK TO BED AFTER PEEING!
2. Do not take a shower before you have made plans for the day. Inevitably you will get sucked into laundry and cleaning your place and get funky again.
3. Fried Fair Food (or as I like to call it "The Triple F") will cure a chronic upset tum-tum.
4. Do not ignore your dog acting batshit crazy after feeding her several tortillas the night before. If you have the mistake of doing this, they will explode in a flurry of 1s and 2s all over your domicile.
5. No amount of Febreeze Air Effects Meadows & Rain will overpower the smell of dog 1s and 2s.
6. There is no good or easy way to clean up ankle deep dog pee. Paper towels have to picked up after being completely saturated and the "deep ridges" of Swiffer Dry Pads are not deep enough.
7. Zen focus and mind-over-matter are not effective in stopping the gag reflex while picking up no-so-solid dog numero dos.
8. Dogs forget a "NO NO, BAD DOG!" spanking in approximately 7 minutes or when a food wrapper is opened. Which ever comes first.
9. Swiffer Wet pads create dust balls in the corners that have to be manually picked up.
10. Rubber backed bath mats can launch your washing machine into orbit during the spin cycle. It may be necessary to rebalance the load at this point.
11. While holding the lid button down watching the load spin you run the risk of losing your finger if the washer begins to spin violently.
12. It is ALWAYS a bad idea to stabilize the center agregating pole of a washing machine with your hands during the spin cycle while manually holding down the lid button.
13. Washing machines spin FAST!
14. A sure fire way to see all the neighbors you've never seen in the 5 months you've lived in your complex is to take out your trash sweaty while wearing flip flops and gym shorts.
15. When you think of something for your grocery list, WRITE IT DOWN THEN, because when you sit down to make your list all you remember is milk.
16. Paying rent sucks.
Mike posted on 10/01/2005 11:50:00 AM
5 comments (show / hide)
5 Comments:
Sun Oct 02, 11:03:00 PM CDT
Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…
Just think, I don't have to learn anything new for 2 whole weeks! And for the record, the day did get somewhat better.
Mon Oct 03, 10:59:00 PM CDT
the reeser sat naked at the computer and typed…
tough lessons on a saturday morning. i'm glad you updated. i don't think i could stand to see that brittney pic at the top of the page. that just freaks me out.
Wed Oct 05, 12:15:00 PM CDT
Mike Overall sat naked at the computer and typed…
How can yall see Britney all preggers and not be turned on? Man oh man...I'd hit that in a second...every saturday morning i get up before everyone else, make a cup of coffee and sit outside and read the paper...not exciting but I look forward to it every week.
Mike Overall
Wed Oct 05, 11:15:00 PM CDT
Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…
Seeing "Britney" and "preggers" in the same sentence makes me throwup in my mouth. And not just a little!
Sat Oct 08, 11:37:00 AM CDT
the reeser sat naked at the computer and typed…
true!
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