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Mike's Blog

To boldly blog what no man has blogged before. Enjoy at your own risk!!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

...And then it was gone

I wish I was saying that about the Inwood Theatre!

It all started with my new route home. Since its getting darker earlier I've decided to take an alternate route home from work. Have I mentioned that I hate that it is pitch black by the time I leave work?! So this alternate route takes me by a Walgreens (or as I call it "the Wall"). Since I didn't partake of any treat gathering Halloween expeditions I wanted to score some discounted individually wrapped treats from the Wall. I figured while I was there I would pick up a couple of other items which would keep me from having to make a trip to the grocery store. Turns out they didn't have what I wanted, but did have individually wrapped chocolately treats at discounted prices, so I partook.

So I figure I'll drop in to the local Tom Thumb and pick up the things I need. I should have noticed right away that something was awry when I was actually able to find a parking spot up front. I headed in and was immediately met with a sign that read, "STORE CLOSING, DEEP DISCOUNTS". WHAAAAT?! How is the store closing?! Every friggin time I've been there I am hip deep in people! There are always long lines at the registers! How is this happening?! I walked down the empty aisles hoping they would actually have the things I needed. No milk, no ziploc bags, no Fruity Pebbles (ok, I wasn't looking for Fruity Pebbles, but that was funny to type). The stuff they did have left was totally random though. Like 500 different types of olive oil, and Brita water pitcher filters and 40 packages of bacon and shiddy beer. It was like being in a bad grocery shopping dream. I turned up one aisle and there were 4 people, none of which were together, standing in front of about 7 boxes of varied types of crakers. I paused for a second before turning around. Half hoping to see one person grab all 7 boxes and get tackled by the other 3.

Everything was 20% off and I was about to find a couple of random items to buy, but I was still going to have to make another stop and I dreaded it. You see, there are only 2 other grocery stores around me. Once is a Whole Foods, which if you are into the whole health food, nuts and grains, vanilla yogart enema thing, its your place. But otherwise its only saving graces are the good selection of baked goods and the Jamba Juice inside.

The second, and more feasible option is the Kroger across the street from the now defunct Tom Thumb. This place is wrecked, filthy, and full of (how can I put this nicely? lets just say...) dirty people. This is the place where there are no parking spots because they are taken up by drug dealers pushing their crap out of their cars. Once you do manage to find a spot, its probably got a buggy in it. ARRRRGH!! And I just learned what was where in my Tom Thumb! I wandered the jam packed aisles of the Kroger looking for 3 items! My head was ready to explode. And this is one of those grocery stores that they built too small, so the aisles are too close together and you have to stand with your back to the other aisle to look at the shelves. If you've been in one you know what I'm talking about.

Once I found the items I was looking for I headed for the front. Every register that was open was 4 deep, the express lane had at least 6 people in it! Even the self checkout kiosks were backed up. I took a deep breathe and got in line for the self checkout. Now this is comedy! People get up to these things and turn retarded! They don't know when to scan, when to swipe their card. THE DAMN THING TALKS TO YOU! DO AS IT SAYS AND NO ONE GETS HURT!! I stood there for 5 minutes giggling to myself before it was my turn. Scan, scan, scan, scan, swipe, reciept, done! I ran to my car, threw my bag in the back and headed home.

The point to this long story? I'm driving to the Simon David on Inwood for my grocery needs!


  • Tue Nov 01, 08:52:00 PM CST
    Blogger Chuck sat naked at the computer and typed…

    I never could understand why businesses close when they were always busy...even the pencil pusher types who always make the worst decisions should be able to figure that one out. Word of advice: Move out of Uptown.

  • Thu Nov 10, 09:20:00 AM CST
    Blogger the reeser sat naked at the computer and typed…

    the hemp bag and pachouli references were a nice touch! if i buy one, i'll probably get a compaq. i was hoping i'd get a comparison from someone who'd had both.


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