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Mike's Blog

To boldly blog what no man has blogged before. Enjoy at your own risk!!

Thursday, September 30, 2004

I am the dragon!

Well I learned something interesting today. I can indeed breathe fire! If any of you are familiar with Trogdor, that was me this morning. It all started with me enjoying my breakfast of Planters Spicy Nuts & Cajun Sticks Trail Mix. I tore into the bag and began pouring the seasoned peanuts, cornnuts, cajun sesame sticks, corn sticks, and red chile crescents down my gullet. I had successfully eaten 2 or 3 mouthfuls when it happened. I was 3/4 of the way through a mouthful and a couple of morsels took a wrong turn at the uvula and headed down the wind pipe. The mix really isn't all that hot, but I think the combination of the spices and morsels in the wind pipe were enough for me to expel a four foot flame and char my keyboard, mouse, monitor, cubicle, and the back of some poor innocent bystanders head. The cough was enough to induce a U-turn for the deviant morsels and in no time they were headed towards the stomach, but I was still aflame! As I grappled for my normally ever-present water bottle I noticed THERE WAS NO WATER BOTTLE. Mr. Peanut looked on with his stupid monocle and smug little grin. Had my water bottle melted? Or did I not bring one today? Oh yeah, I'm out of Ozarka at the house! DOH! It was time for desperate measures. Just then I remember that I had stashed a Dr. Pepper in my desk drawer a couple of days ago. Dear God...reigning lord over beverages and all that is holy, please let it still be there. Milliseconds became whole seconds as I frantically rummaged through my drawer. Then a maroon-silvery glimmer shown from the depths of my drawer. My carbonated, prune-flavored lifeline. After the small fire was out, both in my throat and on my desk, and my eyes had stopped watering, I surveyed the damage. I didn't really like that keyboard and mouse anyway.

5 Comments:

  • Thu Sep 30, 03:18:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Texas Gurl sat naked at the computer and typed…

    what no link for dr. pepper, your life saver? hehe great tale, glad you survived to tell us more stupid stuff you do.

     
  • Thu Sep 30, 04:37:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…

    For the record, I updated the post with the link, so are you happy now Texas Gurl with the punk-rock spaniel?

     
  • Thu Sep 30, 06:11:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Texas Gurl sat naked at the computer and typed…

    that's amazing. how'd i get naked? my jammies were on and then instantly-GONE! wow.

     
  • Thu Oct 07, 08:34:00 AM CDT
    Blogger Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…

    UPDATE:I'm taking my life, and subsequently the people lives sitting in close proximity this morning as I attempt to eat another bag of the Devil's own trail mix. This time I have a water bottle close. Please whisper a little prayer for me as you read this.

     
  • Thu Oct 07, 10:29:00 AM CDT
    Blogger Rae sat naked at the computer and typed…

    Out burninating the countryside, eh Mike? Burninating the peasants? (Because that's what our co-workers are, you know: peasants. >:) I'm relieved you survived the peanut debacle. Just stay away from the cashews, dude -- they're bigger.

     

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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Money, Music and Politics

Another blog I read reported that the new 50 dollar bills were released yesterday. It dawned on me that it has been a long time since I've seen a fiddy dolla bill. Of course, this could be because I never carry cash. You better believe if my bank released a new debit card I would notice though! The debit card has got to be one of the greatest inventions of our time. Cold hard cash is over-rated. Well, unless its in a action movie-style stainless steel suitcase in fat stacks of 100s.

Next, I would like to tear down every artist, musician, and actor on the planet who thinks I care about their political agendas. A perfect example is the Vote for Change Tour. This tour, organized by the MoveOn Political Action Committee, includes the following artists: Pearl Jam, Bruce Springsteen, R.E.M., Dave Matthews Band, Jurassic 5, Dixie Chicks, Death Cab for Cutie, James Taylor, Ben Harper, My Morning Jacket, Jackson Browne, Bonnie Raitt, John Fogerty, Keb' Mo', Bright Eyes, John Mellencamp, Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds, John Prine, and Tracy Chapman. A lot of these artists are just looking for a cause they can jump on and score album sales. These "great leaders" have put their "brilliant minds" together to declare..."Vote for Change is a loose coalition of musicians brought together by a single idea (*cough* liberalism *cough*) — the need to make a change in the direction of our country. We share a belief that this is the most important election of our lifetime. We are fighting for a government that is open, rational, just, and progressive. And we intend to be heard..." Now I know what you are thinking..." But Mike..."that's what freedom of speech is all about." And you wouldn't get any argument from me there. But when I buy a CD from a musician that I've jammed since forever and the lyrics, cover, jacket notes and picture on the CD are all politically motivated I have a problem. And this goes for ALL political agendas, Left, Right, Middle, Communist or otherwise. From a financial standpoint, does it really make sense to possibly alienate half your listening(and buying!) audience? Quit abusing your time in the limelight and go back to doing what you do best which is rocking out and making good music about love, loss, interplanetary travel, etc. If I want politics I will turn on the news. GRRR!!

2 Comments:

  • Mon Oct 04, 07:27:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Texas Gurl sat naked at the computer and typed…

    real money, bills, i mean can be fun. a guy in my past and i went gambling and won $600.00. we asked the casino if we could get it all in fives. hehe. we stood on the bed in the hotel and threw up handfuls of fives. you would be surprised how sexy all that money is. it was great.

     
  • Mon Oct 04, 08:19:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…

    I am on the other end of that spectrum. When I won just over $500 at the blackjack tables last year in Vegas I asked them to change me out at the table for a $500 chip. It was really cool to think that this small chip made of clay and paper was worth 500 smackers. Then I promptly asked my friend to cash me out at the window while I took a leak. Man I am too trusting. But then again I had been holding it so long my brain was probably floating. Only when my luck went cold did I ever even consider getting up from that table.

     

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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

500!!!

I am happy to report the blog has now crossed the 500 hit barrier. I would have never thought I would get this kind of traffic! Ally told me she is addicted to checking my blog for updates so that is probably a big source of hits. She is my #1 fan! I've noticed that quite a few hits come from other blog referrals and most of that is probably due to the Next Blog button up top. This is a pretty cool feature if you haven't checked it out yet. Regardless of where the hits come from I appreciate them all and I hope you guys keep coming back!

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Sunday, September 26, 2004

Sunday Cruddy Sunday

Sunday morning officially marks the end of my weekend. Working on Sunday sucks on so many levels. I keep telling myself its only till December when I graduate and I am off to greener pastures(well that is the plan anyway). I swapped emails with someone in the graduation office this last weekend and receieved type confirmation that the classes I am currently enrolled in will complete my degree requirements. Do you know how long I have been waiting to hear that? Well some of you do I'm sure, but then tack on the time for a couple of victory laps and you will really know how I feel. There were ups and there were downs, but thank the Lord it's almost over. This finally push will not be a cake walk though. So everyone whisper a little prayer for me to hang on to at least some of my sanity.

Surfing the State Fair website has destroyed any doubts I had about making a trip to the fair this year. They have announced deep-fried Nutter Butters!"State fair, have you been reading my diary?" Is there a better cookie on God's green earth? I submit that there is not! The only way this could get any better is if they were giving them away for free...which I am sure is not the case. DOH! Still not sure exactly when we will goto the fair though. But rest assured, when I go I'll post any notable pictures. Like me holding a 5ft tall dayglo orange teddy bear standing in front of Big Tex after riding everything on the midway with a stomach full of deep-fried goodness. Or the one of me holding a baby goat that I smuggled out of the petting zoo aka goat concentration camp to set free in the goat wilderness. "Run free little goat, I will never forget you."

2 Comments:

  • Thu Sep 30, 06:14:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Texas Gurl sat naked at the computer and typed…

    you call yourself a true texan!? those aren't goats. (wow, i'm naked again) they are lambs. cute little baby lambs.

     
  • Thu Sep 30, 10:39:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…

    Goats, lambs, sheep...whatever. They are being repressed and need savin'!

    And yes...my blog seems to release a plethora of nakedness.

     

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Wednesday, September 22, 2004

The Return Volley

From the overwhelming response I can say that this blog has been a hit and hit a nerve (singular) all at the same time. My Monday post was the focus for most of the feedback I've received. I am specifically referring to the great comments posted by an "Anonymous" blogfan here and here. Others have mentioned that certain things I said could have been construed as bagging on Ally, but since they know me and know my personality they were sure that wasn't the case. For this post, I would like to back up the bus a bit to the Monday post and clarify a couple of things. Now keep in mind, this is not for our "Anonymous" commenter, who should take some of their own advice and "try keeping your mouth shut." This for the friendly masses who thought there was room for misinterpretation. Let's be reasonable here. How many of you out there reading this have heard me say, "Ally is the one", "I am going to marry this one" or "She's the girl for me"? Yeah, I see you nodding your head. LOTS! Then I write a post about MY OWN insecurities of having to grow up/be domesticated/buy housewares and all of the sudden I'm "pathetic, crass, rude, hurtful and totally disrespectful...not cool(this one really hurt)...not macho(again cutting me deep)...selfish...[and] an arrogant jerk."

HOLD THE PHONE. My point is this...and I am sure that other guys will back me up...EVERY guy reaches a point in his life where he realizes that weekends, relationships and LIFE in general change(see paradigm shift). You go from wanting to go out every weekend to being perfectly happy staying home and watching a DVD with you girlfriend. Dont get me wrong, I still want to go out, have drinks and listen to music, but not in the same frequency or capacity that I once did. You realize that other things are important to you like connecting with your girlfriend after a long, stressful week or spending time/developing relationships with each others families.

"I am sure the worst is yet to come. I've seen a few comrades sucked into the bottomless vortex of marriage never to be seen again and it's definitely discouraging. I don't want a marriage that opens up my head like a bear trap and sucks out my soul. I still think there is a better alternative..."

Lets talk about this paragraph for a second. First off, "the worst is yet to come" is referring to the continued process of domestication through materialization. You purchase/acquire 12 place settings of china, 4 knife blocks, salad mixing bowls, gravy boats, and Silverware that you can't use unless its Christmas in the course of getting married. This is all foreign to a bachelor who has survived with a small set of pots and pans, a pizza pan, a couple of spatulas and a hand-me-down set of silverware that was missing half of everything. So lets not try to tie that statement in with the relationship OK? OK! For the record, we were shopping for pillows FOR ME! As for the GENERAL COMMENTARY on the "bottomless vortex", I have seen it too many times to deny its existence and I refuse to discount the strength and power of such an anomaly. I have at least three friends/coworkers that have entered into a marriage only to exist as a shell of their former self. Their interests, hobbies, lifestyles and friends all wiped out in the endeavors. To me this is sad and I don't place blame entirely on the man or the women. I believe it takes two to tango. Marriage does require a lot of change, but to lay waste to the person they were formally is not necessary to facilitate a healthy marriage. So this is where the "I don't want a marriage that opens up my head like a bear trap and sucks out my soul. I still think there is a better alternative . . . " quote comes in. Am I implying that I think getting married to Ally would consist of this sort of soul removal procedure? NO. There is nothing in all the time that we have been dating that would indicate or allude to this sort of marriage for either side. Therein lies the "better alternative." Wow, look at all this coming together so nicely. We have built our relationship on trust, communication and love, and nothing anyone says will change that. The best IS yet to come for Ally and I. I do look forward to that time and that time will be upon us a lot sooner than later.

My parting words for you "Anonymous" commenter are these:
Maybe you should have been a C-BS journalist because you are great at pulling things out of thin air and taking things out of context. You have entertained us all for long enough with you silly comments and overstayed your welcome so go back to your bitter, miserable existence and quit raining on our parade. The only reason your comments will stay up will be to remind us all of the fool you made of yourself in the process of trying to smear me.

Peace...I'm outta here.

2 Comments:

  • Thu Sep 23, 07:38:00 AM CDT
    Blogger the reeser sat naked at the computer and typed…

    true.

     
  • Thu Sep 23, 09:10:00 AM CDT
    Blogger Fonty sat naked at the computer and typed…

    True that. You couldn't have hit the nail on the head any straighter. That is the exact thought process a majority of men go through when deciding to move from bachelorhood to marriage. I believe some women get caught up in this fantasy, i.e. the Bachelor, that love conquers all. A revelation occurs and the man realizes that he could not live without the woman, therefore he most throw the reigns of singledom away and grasp the ball and chain that is marriage.

    The real "reality" is that we do fall in love with, in most cases, an incredible woman that we could see ourselves growing old together with (that is only if her mom is hot, because you know what they say about the daughter becoming the mom). However, we enter into marriage, because we are programmed to "turn the corner" from apartments, two-door coupes and center-block coffee tables to wine drinking, children-making, golf playing suburbia.

    Facts are facts. . .we become home-owning, career-oriented, soccer/ballet chasing people. Those that deny that are either artistic freaks or ugly-people. Just kidding, although that should stir the pot. Bottomline, we all just grow up. When you grow up you find love and happiness. Most people work to fulfill their happiness. Maybe I should go on Dr. Phil, don't you get the sense I'm talking about myself (sob, sob). . .he he. . .the great Fonty says!

     

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Tuesday, September 21, 2004

It's official...

...everyone I work with is sick!! TAKE A SICK DAY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! They have been snorting, sneezing, and coughing for days now with no end in sight. There is nothing like the sound of someone blowing their nose 10 times in a row to ruin any hopes of a nice breakfast at your desk. Appetite = GONE! It makes me want to wear a SARS mask to work. With my MacGuyver-like skills I actually fashioned one out of a coffee filter, some paper clips and a rubberband. This should ward off the office nasties until this plague blows over. I'm telling you now...if anyone coughs up a lung I am totally selling it on eBay.

NEWS ALERT:
Big Tex is back in town and he's looking for you! Word on the street is you were talking smack about his huge wedgie and making fun of him for tucking his dungarees into his size 70(!!) boots. It's only a matter of time before he has his huge horse mosey over and pinch a loaf on your car. Big Tex's girl Lil' Tex is also in town to welcome the troops home so be on the lookout. She should be considered armed and extremely dangerous (with a microphone).

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Monday, September 20, 2004

Monday...

Where for art thou o' lost weekend? I can't believe it's already Monday again. The weekend blazed by. As you get older you realize that weekends aren't the fun playtime days they used to be. All of the sudden, there are things to do, chores to complete, errands to run, people to visit. You find yourself shoppng for pillows and comforters instead of going to the lake or taking a spur-of-the-moment roadtrip. Before you know it, you're spending more time in the bedding department or Crate and Barrel than you ever do in electronics or sporting goods stores...and I'm not even married!! Definitely relating with Edward Norton in Fight Club when he talks about material possesions. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind hitting these places, especially if Ally and I are after something, but it's a scary realization when you start caring about matching kitchen items or when you know what a sconce is. I am sure the worst is yet to come. I've seen a few comrads sucked into the bottomless vortex of marriage never to be seen again and it's definitely discouraging. I don't want a marriage that opens up my head like a bear trap and sucks out my soul. I still think there is a better alternative and I'm given hope by my buddy Jeff's marriage. Balance is key.

Anyway...

The Cowboys get their first win of the season against the Browns yesterday. If you didn't see it you missed one of the ugliest wins I have ever seen the Cowboys pull off. I think some of the key factors of success for this game were:
1) The Cowboys didn't use the punter as the placeholder.
2) Jeff Garcia's Tazmanian devil girlfriend was kept at bay.
3) God is a Cowboys fan.

Parcells said it best: "It's not the kind of game I like to be involved with...but we got away
with it."
I just hope we learn from our mistakes and look better next week against Washington for Monday Night Football.

I finally saw The Bourne Identity and Supremacy this past weekened. If you haven't seen them I highly recommend watching them back to back. You will get more out of the plot lines if the details are fresh on your mind. In other entertainment news, congrats to The Amazing Race for pulling down the Best Reality-Competition Emmy two years in a row and skunking Survivor and The Apprentice again!

Have good week!
As always EVERYONE is welcome to post comments.

8 Comments:

  • Tue Sep 21, 07:31:00 AM CDT
    Blogger Fonty sat naked at the computer and typed…

    Glad to see that I could make your blog Mike. Kind words, but the truth is I have to wear my frenchmaid outfit during the week to get free time on the weekend. Anything for my friends. Don't ask by the way, she enjoys it for some reason.

     
  • Tue Sep 21, 07:47:00 PM CDT
    Anonymous Anonymous sat naked at the computer and typed…

    "I am sure the worst is yet to come. I've seen a few comrads sucked into the bottomless vortex of marriage never to be seen again and it's definitely discouraging. I don't want a marriage that opens up my head like a bear trap and sucks out my soul. I still think there is a better alternative . . . "

    Pathetic. How sad for Ally. The fact you would post something like this shows your total disrespect for her. She's thinking that the best is yet to come, a future with you. Yet you 've basically told her that being married to her equals the worst days of your souless life.

    The better alternative is that she realize she is worthy of so much more. She is worthy of someone who cannot wait to spend the rest of his life with her. That she is an amazing woman with whom someone better than you would love to pick out matching towels. She is worthy of someone who is happy to merely be in her company.

    Relationships are about balance and about trust and about respect. You've just broadcast to the world that your relationship with Ally means nothing to you. That her feelings, needs and desires come after your's. If I were her, I would be embarassed and humiliated that my boyfriend thinks so little of our relationship and that I learned I was dating such an arrogant jerk.

    Try something new. Try putting her first for once. Try keeping your mouth shut and your selfish ideas and needs away. This world isn't about you. You have to think beyond yourself. Even if you were "joking" by posting these comments, it's crass, rude, hurtful and totally disrespectful. It's not cool and it's not macho.

     
  • Tue Sep 21, 07:47:00 PM CDT
    Anonymous Anonymous sat naked at the computer and typed…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • Tue Sep 21, 08:50:00 PM CDT
    Anonymous Anonymous sat naked at the computer and typed…

    Learned something new today - a blog gives the author the opportunity to tell the world about himself. The unfortunate aspect is that we (nearly all who read this)confirmed you only care about one thing and that one thing is "Mike." This blog is one in a continuing series of selfish actions that show you do not care about anyone other than yourself. The fortunate aspect is that Ally now knows how you speak of her and your relationship, to your "friends."

     
  • Tue Sep 21, 11:52:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…

    Ladies and Gentlemen, it seems I've struck a nerve. Such scathing remarks warrant nothing more than a chuckle from me considering that the source couldn't even reveal their identity. But rest assured the reach of this blog is not far just yet so its easy to narrow down the list of suspects. Anonymous isn't so anonymous. :)

    Anyway, enjoy the "anonymous" rant because I assure you it will be the last. This person can't even pretend to know me or know anything of my relationship.

     
  • Wed Sep 22, 12:40:00 PM CDT
    Blogger the reeser sat naked at the computer and typed…

    i must say that some of these comments are retarded, but hey that's blog world i guess. i guess some people just like to hear themselves type.

    much respect for a guy that not only knows what a sconce is, but isn't afraid to blog-cast this fact to the world (or at least the 105 people who have
    seen this).

     
  • Wed Sep 22, 03:33:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • Wed Oct 06, 02:10:00 PM CDT
    Blogger Tyrone Vitoff sat naked at the computer and typed…

    HEY!!! I'm still waiting for the offensive part that supposedly strikes nerves, without warning? Hm. There was none of that here. Okay, so ya got the marriage heeby jeebies. Good for you. Some other shmo thinks you are self centered. Good for you. Man, I want some MEAN shit... MEAN... c'mon!!! I know you can do better than this Mike. I have faith in you. Show good ole Tyrone how mean you can get...

     

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Saturday, September 18, 2004

The first post...

...in my already infamous blog! Well this has been a long time coming. I've had blog envy for a quite a while now. It was only a matter of time before I broke down and created a blog. I successfully put it off with the "I don't have time" excuse long enough. So here it is! In all its magnificence and beauty. I'm not promising daily or even weekly posts, but the posts should be somewhat interesting.

Feel free to leave comments!

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