Goodbye Inwood Theatre

...it was not fun while it lasted. Ally and I saw our last movie ever at the Inwood Theatre tonight. You know, that kitchy, hip little neighborhood theatre in Inwood Village, with the bar in it and the staff with way too many tattoos and piercings? Yeah, that one.

Tonight we went to see the 9:40PM showing of History of Violence. But the problem wasn't the movie and frankly I prefer not to focus on that part of the bad experience. I would rather focus on the old dirty man that was getting jerked off in the row behind me by a girl a third his age. And if that wasn't enough, they decided while they weren't doing "other things" they would actually give us a running commentary of what they thought about EVERY FRIGGIN LINE OF THE MOVIE! KILL ME NOW! I am almost positive that there is a special circle of hell reserved for people who talk during movies. If there isn't there should be! Since when is it acceptable to a conversation in a normal speaking volume with another person during a movie?!

NEVER! NEVER EVER NEVER!

After enduring this for a third of the movie I turned around and said "Do you mind not talking during the movie?" The guy says to me "have a nice day!" What?!?! After that they actually did stop talking....FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES!
(this is the sound of Mike's head exploding)
I gritted my teeth for the rest of the film and somehow managed to leave the theatre without killing someone. And by the way...if you are going to have a bar in your lobby...insulate the theatres so you don't have to hear a bunch of drunks screaming the whole movie. Just a tip. Actually, don't change a thing Inwood theatre. You just keep on doin it like ya do, cause I ain't comin back so I'll never know the damn difference. (yeah, i got all trailer park there for a minute)

But actually my faith in the goodness/purity/etc of humanity was restored (read: not really) when I stopped at the local Krogers to pick up a couple of pints of Blue Bell and saw someone peddling crack out of his pickup in the parking lot.

Where'd all the good people go?

Hump Day Update

I can't believe people still read this blog. The comments were great on the Saturday update. Keep 'em coming.

So I'm back at the apartment after hanging out at Al's tonight. She made us delicious pot roast and muffins for our LOST watching party. I say party, but it was really just her, me and Kitty. Kitty was lucky enough to be able to hang with us tonight. Eventhough she is a little skittish and very needy when she visits other places its good for her to get out. I am hoping that once it starts to get cool again, we can start walking on a regular basis. And by walking I mean further than the small patch of grass by my apartment that we walk to everyday for her to do her biz...that is when she isn't exploding all over my bathroom. We'll be headed North of course, since South is a bit...well...umm...urban. Speaking of it getting cooler, that is supposed to happen for the first time, FOR REAL, tonight. The high tomorrow is supposed to be 66. I can't wait. Bring on the cooler weather because we've had more than our share of hot. I am sick of the meteor, meatyor, WEATHER PEOPLE saying we are 20 or 15 or 18 degrees above average for this time of year. "SCORCHED EARTH TO WEATHERGUY: WE GET IT, WE WERE JUST OUTSIDE TOO AND FELT OUR PARTS STICKING TOGETHER! CRYSTAL, THANKS!"

Speaking of the clever "earth to" phrase, I was listening to the radio this morning on the way to work and the DJs were doing this game where they act out an obscure scene to a movie and people have to call in and guess the movie. I've heard them do this before and most of the time I know the movie, but today they were doing the "Earth to Matilda" scene from Zoolander and I felt compelled to call in and try to win. I don't know if you've tried this lately, but I am pretty sure it's damn near IMPOSSIBLE! I have tried to call in and win crap on the radio dozens of times in my lifetime and have NEVER gotten through. NEVER!! Am I doing something wrong? Is there a special key sequence I am supposed to be entering that no one has been nice enough to clue me in to? If so, screw you guys for keeping me in the dark! The only time I have ever made it on a live radio show was about 3 years ago when I called in to the Ticket during the Cowboys Show and told them they should have picked up Drew Bledsoe. They laughed at me! Umm, excuse me Ticket dillholes (Dale Hansen especially, he should be crowned dillhole king), who is the starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys now? But enough about me being right...and seemingly clairvoyant. I'm going to bed.

Things I Learned on a Saturday Morning

Things I Learned on a Saturday Morning...

1. When you wake up at 8am and you don't have to be up. GO BACK TO BED AFTER PEEING!
2. Do not take a shower before you have made plans for the day. Inevitably you will get sucked into laundry and cleaning your place and get funky again.
3. Fried Fair Food (or as I like to call it "The Triple F") will cure a chronic upset tum-tum.
4. Do not ignore your dog acting batshit crazy after feeding her several tortillas the night before. If you have the mistake of doing this, they will explode in a flurry of 1s and 2s all over your domicile.
5. No amount of Febreeze Air Effects Meadows & Rain will overpower the smell of dog 1s and 2s.
6. There is no good or easy way to clean up ankle deep dog pee. Paper towels have to picked up after being completely saturated and the "deep ridges" of Swiffer Dry Pads are not deep enough.
7. Zen focus and mind-over-matter are not effective in stopping the gag reflex while picking up no-so-solid dog numero dos.
8. Dogs forget a "NO NO, BAD DOG!" spanking in approximately 7 minutes or when a food wrapper is opened. Which ever comes first.
9. Swiffer Wet pads create dust balls in the corners that have to be manually picked up.
10. Rubber backed bath mats can launch your washing machine into orbit during the spin cycle. It may be necessary to rebalance the load at this point.
11. While holding the lid button down watching the load spin you run the risk of losing your finger if the washer begins to spin violently.
12. It is ALWAYS a bad idea to stabilize the center agregating pole of a washing machine with your hands during the spin cycle while manually holding down the lid button.
13. Washing machines spin FAST!
14. A sure fire way to see all the neighbors you've never seen in the 5 months you've lived in your complex is to take out your trash sweaty while wearing flip flops and gym shorts.
15. When you think of something for your grocery list, WRITE IT DOWN THEN, because when you sit down to make your list all you remember is milk.
16. Paying rent sucks.