Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Bad Blogger
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
The P Test
I left working feeling aggravated and headed to the new job to drop off my paperwork and pick up the information about the drug test. When I got there I met with the President of the company who briefly interviewed me and then gave me the offer letter. Naturally I accepted and everyone was excited. They informed me that in addition to the drug test I would also need to take a physical. It would have been nice if they did it all in the same place, but the drug test and the physical were at different places. So on the way home I decided to take care of the drug test. One of the three location choices was right around the corner so I headed that way. After getting a little turned around from the crappy map I found the place. I walked up to the door and was greeted with a closed sign and a whiteboard that read, "Sorry for the inconvenience, but this location has been closed due to an unexpected FIRE." The following instructions directed me to another location across town.
I got there with plenty of time before they closed, but the waiting room was COMPLETELY full. I asked the receptionist how long this would take and she told me the test would only take a few minutes, but the wait would be over an hour. After an hour and a half they called me in where I took the stupidest test on a computer. Why was I taking a test on a computer you ask? Yeah I dunno! I just did what they told me to do. It was an aptitude test consisting of 50 questions, which were so easy that I read them over and over again looking for a trick or something I might be missing. There were even questions about the correct spelling of days of the week and months of the year. I was cracking up! After I finished the test they ushered me into a closet size bathroom where I had to fill a cup up to a line the guy drew on the container. Since I’d been holding it I had plenty to fill this cup. But the conflict was this…do I go straight off into the cup which presents the tough maneuver which involves stopping, pinching, setting down a cup of liquid that you don’t want on you, aiming and finishing? OR do I try to stop at an estimated halfway point, catch and gamble that I have enough to fill it to the line. I know you are thinking this is waaaay to much information and I’m making this waaaay to complicated, but these are tough decisions standing in a dimly lit, closet bathroom with a guy waiting right outside the door. I chose the first option and carefully filled it to the line. When I had finished I opened the door and handed my “sample” to the guy waiting. I was extremely careful not to slosh the contents on any of the involved parties. Before handing it over, I did make it a point to hold it up as if to toast my new job and winked at the receptionist standing in the hall. She laughed, but the sample-taker guy didn’t think it was funny. The cups actually have a thermometer on the side of them to measure the warmth of the dispensed “sample.” He then caps the sample and holds it up to eye level to check the temperate. At that very moment I felt strangely connected to this person. After all, he was gazing into my URINE like it was a ’63 Chardonnay. I could have sworn he was about to take a sip of it. Good thing the cap was already on it. I am not quite sure what I would do if a stranger took a swig of my urine. The whole process is JUST. NOT. NATURAL. After sealing, signing and authenticating my identity I was outta there….IN JUST UNDER TWO HOURS!
1 down, 1 to go.
2 Comments:
-
Wed Feb 16, 11:56:00 AM CST
theghosher sat naked at the computer and typed…Hey Mike!
Congrats on the new job. What a great feeling huh? all that work paid off and here you are with your first "Real" job. Of course your others were real, but this my friend, is the first of many steps into adulthood. Ally must be stoked for you. I had a really hard time turning my letter of resignation in... fear of conflict I suppose, but once I did.. it was like the last two weeks of Senior year of Highschool all over again.. nothing got done! Woo hoo. Enjoy Mike!
Ghosher out. -
Wed Feb 16, 01:25:00 PM CST
Janine sat naked at the computer and typed…The only thing more unnatural than "The P Test" you describe is being monitored to make sure that the urine is actually yours, and then having to do a 360 turn with shirt up and pants down, just to be sure that the pee wasn't strapped to your body.
Talk about unnatural.
That's the side of college athletics nobody tells you about until it's too late!
Dodging Bullets
Valentine's Day Recap
Since Ally and I ran around crazy all weekend and had a very nice dinner on Friday night with Chuck and his...date, we decided to play it low key for the evening activities. We had planned ahead to make King Ranch Chicken (YUM!) and Al busted out with some awesome bean, corn, salsa dip for an appetizer. While the KRC was in the oven, she sprung another surprise on me. We were going to make homemade bon bons! Could such culinary debauchery be performed in the safety of one's own home?! I had my doubts, but I'm here to tell you that you can and should! The ingredients included crushed oreos, cream cheese, and almond bark. Basically we crushed a whole bag of oreos and then mixed them with cream cheese and rolled them into balls, then dipped our balls (ha!) in the almond bark. And by the way, almond bark is neither almond nor bark. They turned out great and were VERY rich.
After our excellent dinner we did something really romantic, but I really shouldn't talk about it. Do you wanna know? Okay just don't tell anyone else. We wrote my resignation letter. Whew! I know...hot action! Oh yeah and we also shopped on potterybarn.com! That was our red-hot Valentine's day and I loved every minute with my red-headed gal!
3 Comments:
-
Wed Feb 16, 09:22:00 AM CST
Fonty sat naked at the computer and typed…Arghh! Enough of the lovey-dovey crud. I can't afford to have Moria reading this or it might require a Dr. Phil session. Did you watch the Amazing Race couple on that last night? Hehe. . .now talk about something interesting like configuring me a printing solution! Ha, what goes around comes around. . .
-
Wed Feb 16, 09:59:00 AM CST
Mike sat naked at the computer and typed… -
Wed Feb 16, 10:18:00 AM CST
Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
I GOT IT!
For the first interview I was really early since I left work at 2pm and the drive was only about 15mins tops. The interview was at 3pm and I didn't want to be waaaaay early, but I certainly didnt want to be late. So I drove around the area a bit and it definitely helped me relax. So this time I wanted to stay consistant so being early again I drove a round a bit. I was soooo relaxed and feeling the flow...until the car in front of me decided to come to a screetching halt at a green light. I was INCHES from plowing this little green Mazda that was at a dead stop. Here comes the best part, I honk, the guy flips ME off. Maybe on his planet that means, "sorry, I'm an idiot" and I'm convinced that green means stop on that planet too. NICE!
I get to the interview, heart pounding, adrenaline coursing through my veins and I am still 15 minutes early. I let the receptionist know I'm there and in turn notifies the proper authorities. No not the police. He shows up and we walk down the hall to a different conference room. Whoa this could be good or bad! We sit down and he tells me the job is mine! He goes on to say that after interviewing several candidates he just didn't get the same great feeling he got from our interview. He said he felt like I was the perfect person for the job and only hesistated to say that he was afraid that some of the more monotinous tasks we had discussed prior would make me less interested. I assured him that I was excited about the opportunities for career growth that we had discussed in the first interview and told him that I would look forward to being on the ground floor of the projects outlined ahead.
Since I hadn't filled out a formal application he sent me home with one and told me to bring it back Tuesday when he would have a formal offer letter waiting for me. He also mentioned that I would need to take a drug test and pass a government background check required since they do business with the government. I filled out the application to a "T" (application writers of the world, I plead to you, take Elementary out of the education section!) and I'm set to return it today and schedule my P test. I told Alison this morning that this day has a real first day of the rest of my life kind of feel to it. I can only imagine how my first day at my new job is going to feel. All the nervousness of meeting a thousand new people and trying to remember all their names. My new desk/cube/cardboard box that I will have all my stuff in/on. Man, I'm STOKED!
Thanks for all the support and well-wishes! You guys are great!
5 Comments:
-
Tue Feb 15, 08:59:00 AM CST
the reeser sat naked at the computer and typed… -
Tue Feb 15, 01:30:00 PM CST
Fonty sat naked at the computer and typed…I had faith. Congrats! Yes. . . now comes the rest of your life. Get up early, read the paper, shave, get dressed, fight traffic, get to work ON TIME, listen to boring people make rediculous points, go home, fight traffic, work out, eat, watch TV, go to bed. The rest of your life.
Good luck!
Just kidding. We all love our jobs and lives. Not anti-depressants necessary. -
Tue Feb 15, 01:31:00 PM CST
Fonty sat naked at the computer and typed… -
Tue Feb 15, 08:35:00 PM CST
Janine sat naked at the computer and typed… -
Wed Feb 16, 10:14:00 AM CST
Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…Thanks everyone!
Kyle - I can relate. I was striving to remember the address of all my old jobs. In the MAJOR/CONCENTRATION section of the Elementary School I put "Reading, Writing and Arithmetic."
Fonty - Thx for the congrats and for the record...cry for help heard, cry for help ignored. You just cry in your nice Pilot all the way to your nice home, where your NICE(!) wife will be waiting with her nice...ok I'll stop there. That's the last thing the world needs is one more Frenchmen crying for help. The next thing we know, you will be critizing me for not consulting with Germany and Russia before accepting the position. Jacques-y Jeff, Jacques-y Jeff!
Janine - Thx for the congrats and I hope your product crystallizes soon!
Monday, February 14, 2005
The 2nd Interview
I jumped back in the car after shaking the laundry basket free of my leg and raced to work. Have you ever had a morning where you get up early and you say to yourself, "I'm going to take it easy this morning? I'm gonna relax, have a cup of coffee and get dressed slow. I'm not going to speed on the way to work, I'm just gonna take it eaaassssy." Yeah me neither! But I am pretty sure ALL THE PEOPLE ON THE ROAD IN FRONT OF ME WERE IN THAT MINDSET! And they all wanted to drive in the fast lane. They wanted to just chill out and take it eeeaassy. While I am late, behind them and going out of my MIND!
So I get to work 30 minutes late. No one really seems to notice or care and I'm parked at my cube in Cubeville trying not to look conspicuous in my fancier than a normal Monday duds. Now the countdown begins to my interview. This will actually be my second interview with this company and I am once again in the try-not-to-get-excited phase. I don't want to get pumped up about it until it happens, but I am hoping they will make me an offer today. After all, they did tell me in the first interview that the second would be to meet the VP and make an offer, sooooooo. I have the joy of knowing this day will be lengthened by my anticipation. This definitely falls in the category of a try-not-to-get-excited violation, but I was thinking about how cool it would be to have an easy-to-remember, landmark date like Valentine's Day 2005 as the day I got hired to my first big shot, high paying, "I have arrived" kind of job. So everyone keep those fingers, toes, eyes, whatever crossed and send me good vibes at around 3PM CST.
3 Comments:
-
Mon Feb 14, 09:28:00 AM CST
Fonty sat naked at the computer and typed… -
Mon Feb 14, 10:32:00 AM CST
Mike sat naked at the computer and typed… -
Mon Feb 14, 03:25:00 PM CST
theghosher sat naked at the computer and typed…
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Delurk Now!
You've been surfing my blog for how long? And you haven't posted a single comment, interacted, or tasted the full Mike's Blog experience? Sad sad SAD. Come on, you know you are dying to give it a try. If for no other reason, do it to see the cool, new page for comments that Blogger just revamped. They added the original post in a easy-to-read format, the existing comments and other important information to help you make a funny, witty, snarky, dimwitted, or even downright hateful comment post.
So what are you waiting for? If you don't have a Blogger account then sign up for one. It takes 2 minutes and any moron could figure out it. Hit THIS LINK and do it now! After all, human interaction is what Al Gore intended when he invented the internet.
Surf. Delurk. Comment!
2 Comments:
-
Mon Feb 14, 07:45:00 AM CST
the reeser sat naked at the computer and typed… -
Mon Feb 14, 10:28:00 AM CST
Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…
Impact
Things have been a little crazy over the past week, but then again if they weren't I think I'd be worried. It seems like the only time things ever slow down is right before something big hits and that is almost never the good big something. Most of my free time over the course of the week was spent looking for a job or hanging out with Al. I did end up making a day trip on Wednesday to a little town outside of Tyler, Texas for a funeralfor my uncle Bill. So my family, Ally and I all drove up for the day. It was a great service, probably one of the best funerals I have ever been to. I know that sounds really wierd...believe me that it was wierd to type. But it was a celebration of his life and his legacy more so than most funerals I can remember. One of the best parts of the service was when the Pastor opened up the pulpit to allow anyone to share their thoughts/feelings/etc. Some were long, some were short, but they were all heart-felt and sincere. For me, funerals always get me thinking about the legacy I will leave and the life I am leading on a daily basis. I think it reminds you that, as corny as it sounds, it's never to late to start having an impact on the people around you. Whether it's by your interactions with them or the impact you have by living your life in a way that they would want to model themselves after you. Striving to be a role model, in my opinion, is one of the strongest driving forces out there. So I move on with that in mind.
Monday, February 07, 2005
The unSuper Bowl
In recap:
It was nice to see Philly get donkey punched at the end, even if it was by the Beantown Ballers. The Turdbirds remain the only team in the NFC East without a Super Bowl win...Eat that! The commercials were ok. The halftime show SUCKED and Amy Poehler lied to us about McCartney whipping out his dong (actually that's probably a good thing).
Go Cowboys!!
2 Comments:
-
Thu Feb 10, 10:20:00 PM CST
the reeser sat naked at the computer and typed… -
Sun Feb 13, 08:06:00 AM CST
Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…I agree that it defintely could have been worse. They could have allowed Mickey Rooney's commercial to air, or Paris Hilton to be a sideline reporter, etc etc. Don't even get me started on Ashlee Simpson. See this post for more on my thoughts about that.
As far as the job is concerned...I have a second interview on Monday(2/14). Everyone keep your fingers and toes crossed. I know it's hard to walk and function like that, but hey! I need a new job! Greater good people!
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Punxsutawney Phil
Well, it looks like 6 more weeks of winter. Wait! What am I talking about?! Is anyone else just a little concerned that, even with all the technology available to us, we are still using this marmot for forecasting? We can put remote control vehicles on Mars, but we are still depending on wildlife for weather reports? I checked the TV schedule for tonight and surprisingly Groundhog Day isn't going to be on! WTF?! For as long as I can remember they have aired this movie on February 2nd. "This is Nancy Taylor, she makes sounds like a chipmunk when she gets really excited."
|
Homeland Insecurity
"Investigate a rewarding career...Get your Criminal Justice degree FAST! Programs include National Security, Law Enforcement, Terrorism, and Criminal Investigation."It's a little disturbing that places are fast-tracking people through degrees so they can protect our country. I know I'm going to sleep better at night knowing that people with bargain basement, receive-it-in-the-mail "Criminal Justice" degrees are standing watch. So I decided I would get out there and make a difference! I would get my Criminal Justice degree in order to protect our nation. Well, until I clicked on the next email down. They were offering me "$500 to $10,000 to work from home" so I think I'm gonna do that. Sorry Homeland Security.
2 Comments:
-
Wed Feb 02, 05:53:00 PM CST
apple sat naked at the computer and typed… -
Wed Feb 02, 06:12:00 PM CST
Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…Yeah I ended up with the 250MB deal from Hotmail too, but they keep trying to reel me in for the premium account. I get an email from them about once every two weeks. I have 3 gmail addresses, but until recently when they added POP3 access I didn't do anything with them. I always end up using the hotmail account against my will because it's tied to my Messenger account and people assume that's where I want things sent.
BTW, if anyone wants a Gmail address email me at:
mikeblogging at gmail dot com
Lemon Lime Roulette
"Will it be Sierra Mist?"Blasted vending machine company! (that shall remain nameless for fear of them taking away my favorite pretzels from the snack machine)
"I don't know man!"
"You push the button!"
"No way man this soda is for you...I'm not getting involved!"
"I'm scared! Hold me."
I know I know, this post sucked. But if I reach just one person...It was all worth it.
2 Comments:
-
Wed Feb 02, 08:55:00 AM CST
the reeser sat naked at the computer and typed… -
Wed Feb 02, 11:32:00 AM CST
Mike sat naked at the computer and typed…
1 Comments:
Wed Feb 23, 08:44:00 AM CST
Fonty sat naked at the computer and typed…
Nice work Mike. Now, only 10,000 more beaten balls and you'll perfect that epilectic giraffe. Good luck, but don't call me. My swing tips consist of saying seventeen and pairing the elbow quietly to my side while integrating the downward motion of my hips to the squatting sensation in my knees. That results in a pull-through flip of the wrists at impact compacting the ball against the ground and clubface.
Post a Comment